Boundaries Reveal What Love Tries To Hide

As a child, I was taught that having boundaries was being disloyal.

Boundaries only existed OUTSIDE of the family unit...... and were meant to keep strangers out, not regulate what happened within. Inside the home, everything was fair game. You weren’t allowed to say no. You weren’t allowed to draw a line. You weren't allowed to say anything.....to anyone. If you did, you were “stirring up drama” or “causing problems.”

So I grew up believing that boundaries were selfish. That they meant rejection. That they weren’t allowed in the name of love, loyalty, or family.

It wasn’t until I got much, much older that I had the courage to put my foot down on what I was no longer willing to tolerate.

It started small......or so I thought. Honoring my convictions, I decided I wasn’t going to allow alcohol in my home during a family gathering. I didn’t yell. I didn’t shame anyone. I simply communicated my boundary and asked them to respect my home. 

But instead of respecting that boundary like mature adults, most of the members of my family decided to bring coolers and keep them outside.....filling up their cups in the driveway and then coming back in with cups full, mocking me the whole way.

Not only that, but a few of the “adults,” knowing full well the spiritual implications of bringing unclean or unholy things into someone else’s home, still chose to do it. What’s worse, they did it in front of my children......modeling rebellion, dishonor, and disrespect as if it were no big deal.

That moment opened my eyes. 

It validated so much of what God had already been showing me.....about how I was raised, what I had normalized, and who would honor my growth… and who wouldn’t.  It was a very painful eye-opening moment.  Not to mention, the decisions I had to make soon following.

A boundary isn't just a line drawn in the sand, it’s a line drawn in truth. And truth always does what it’s designed to do: expose.

So many of us struggle to set boundaries because we’re afraid of what will happen when we do.
Will others be mad?
Will they leave?
Will they twist it and make it about themselves?

But maybe that’s exactly the point.

Boundaries don’t push people away. 

Boundaries reveal who’s willing to stay in a healthy way.

It’s easy to confuse peacekeeping with peacemaking. Peacekeeping tolerates dysfunction to avoid disruption. But peacemaking? It walks in truth......even when it costs.

And truth has a way of stirring the spirits in people.

Blessed are the peacemakers...... - Matthew 5:9

When you say:

• “No, I can’t do that for you anymore,”

• “I’m not available at that time,”

• “I’m not comfortable with that conversation,”

• "I won't put up with you gossiping about me."

• "I will not tolerate you treating me like that anymore."

…you’re not just standing up for yourself. You’re holding up a mirror.

And what comes out of them next? 

That’s not on you. 

That’s what’s already been living inside of them.

The minute you set a boundary, you start to see people for who they are, not who they pretend to be.

• The manipulative spirit gets loud.

• The controlling spirit gets offended.

• The codependent spirit panics.

• The entitled spirit throws a tantrum.

 6 Reasons why some don't like boundaries:

1. They lose control
   People who are used to controlling your time, emotions, or choices feel powerless when you draw a line they can’t cross.

2. Old wounds get triggered
   Your “no” might hit an unhealed place in them....like rejection, abandonment, or fear of being unwanted.

3. They benefited from your lack of boundaries
   If saying “yes” always made their life easier, your new “no” can feel like an inconvenience or even an attack.

4. They don’t know how to do healthy
   Some people were never taught respect, space, or emotional maturity. Boundaries feel foreign—and they react defensively.

5. They feel entitled
   Entitlement always resents limitation. If someone believes they’re owed your attention or energy, a boundary feels like theft.

6. The dysfunction is being exposed
   Boundaries disrupt toxic dynamics. When the old, unspoken rules no longer apply, the dysfunction starts to surface.

Some people will only love you as long as you don’t make them uncomfortable.

The moment you stop enabling them, they claim you’ve changed.

Good!

You have changed.

Thank God for that!

Because setting boundaries doesn’t mean you’re being mean or difficult.

It means you’re finally seeing yourself......and your worth.....clearly.

And when you honor yourself, you’ll start to attract people who do the same…
…and expose the ones who never truly did.

Boundaries aren’t weapons. They’re walls of safety.

They don’t lock others out.....they keep you aligned with peace.

And anyone sent by God?

They’ll honor your boundary....

not bulldoze through it, 

twist it, or use it to 

make themselves the victim.

So keep your voice steady and your heart tender. And let your “no” be as holy as your “yes.”

Because sometimes, the moment you draw the line…
is the moment you finally see who was never standing with you to begin with.