When Someone Uses Your Vulnerability Against You

One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to learn is that not everyone who acts protective of you is actually protecting you.

Sometimes the person telling everyone how much they care about you, how they’re looking out for you, and how they’re a “safe place” in your life is also the person quietly collecting information they can use later. 

I trusted someone with very personal things. I confided in them about conversations I’d had with other people. I forwarded emails because I thought I was talking to someone safe. I shared things I was struggling with, relationships I was trying to navigate, hurts I was trying to understand.

And then....I found out that some of those very things were being used behind my back to interfere with relationships I had with other people.

I'm not going to lie.....THAT hurt! But what hurt even more was finding out that it didn’t stop when I stopped sharing.

When I was no longer the source of information, they manipulated my children instead. Asking questions, buttering them up......finding other ways to learn what was happening in my life. And eventually, they even tried to triangulate my own children against me.

That was FAR FROM concern or protection, and it certainly wasn’t love! By normal standards, this was someone who SHOULD'VE been part of my safe haven. Someone I should've been able to trust without wondering whether my vulnerable moments were going to become somebody else’s ammunition.

God had already been dealing with me about creating distance.....and eventually I knew I had to obey Him and remove this person from that place in my life.

And I won’t pretend it didn’t hurt....it hurt....VERY badly. I’ve learned something since then, though....access to me isn't the same thing as love for me. Knowing my private struggles doesn't make someone my confidant. Claiming you have protected me, doesn't make you safe. And forgiveness???  Well, that doesn't require me to hand someone the same access they once abused.

Sometimes God removes a person from your inner circle because He's teaching you to recognize the difference between someone who genuinely covers you and someone who simply wants access to you.