Called Beyond Comfortable

About a year ago, I had a dream. In the dream, a woman I know asked me a simple question...“Are you using the gifts God gave you?”

She lives far enough away that she isn't someone I see or even talk to regularly, which made her appearance in the dream stand out to me. But it was the question that stayed with me.

Are you using the gifts God gave you?

At the time, I don't think I fully understood what that question was going to require of me.
Since then, I have begun yielding myself to God in ways that honestly scared me.

One of those ways has been allowing God to use me to give a message in tongues. And I wish I could tell you that the first time I felt that prompting, I immediately responded with boldness and obedience.

I didn't. I chickened out! Actually...I chickened out more than once.

I remember feeling the Spirit come over me while I was praying and knowing what I felt I was supposed to do. And instead of saying, “Yes, Lord,” my prayer sounded a little more like...“Please give it to somebody else! I'm not ready to do this.”

I wasn't trying to be rebellious. I was scared. What if I was wrong? What if that wasn't really God and it was ME instead? What if I stepped out of line? What if I did something I wasn't supposed to do?

Fear can come dressed up in some very respectable clothing. Sometimes it even calls itself “being careful.”

But eventually...my prayer changed.

With encouragement from my pastor's wife, instead of asking God to give it to somebody else, I started praying...“Please give me the courage to do what You are wanting me to do.”

I wasn't asking Him to remove the responsibility anymore. I was asking Him to help me obey.

And eventually...I did.

It's been incredibly humbling to believe that Jesus would choose to use me in that way. Not because it makes me special. Quite the opposite. It has made me painfully aware of how dependent I am upon Him.

But lately, though, something else has been stirring in me. I keep thinking about that dream. And specifically...I keep thinking about one word.

Gifts.

Not gift.

Gifts.

“Are you using the gifts God gave you?”

There was more than one.

And I can't shake the feeling that God is preparing me to step into something else. I don't know exactly what that means yet, and I'm learning that I don't have to know everything before I can say yes. But I DO know what I want. I want to walk in every area God wants to use me in. I don't want fear to keep making my decisions for me.

And I can say that knowing I've already fought this battle in other areas of my life.

For many years, fear had a grip on me when it came to singing in front of people. Being seen scared me. Being vulnerable scared me. Being transparent about the things I had walked through and allowing people to see those parts of me didn't come easily.

I fought long and hard for victory in those areas! And God has brought me so far! 🙌🏻

I can stand in front of people and sing now in a way that I couldn't before. I can be vulnerable. I can be transparent. I can share pieces of my life that once would have terrified me to let anyone see.

So I KNOW what it looks like when God brings victory over fear. Maybe that's why I recognize this battle now!  It doesn't always come back wearing the same clothes.

Now, intimidation likes to whisper, “You're stepping out of line,” whenever I feel God stretching me beyond the place where I have become comfortable.

“Who do you think you are?”
“What if you're wrong?”
“What if God isn't really asking you to do that?”

And that has been one of my biggest battles. But I've fought fear before. I've watched God bring me through it before.

And I don't intend to surrender ground to it now!

There's a difference between wanting attention and being willing to be used. There's a difference between pushing yourself into a position God hasn't given you and answering when He calls you forward. And...I want to learn that difference so well that I can recognize His voice and respond to Him with confidence.

Not confidence in myself.
Confidence in Him.

Paul told Timothy, “Neglect not the gift that is in thee...” - 1 Timothy 4:14

And then, “Wherefore I put thee in remembrance that thou stir up the gift of God, which is in thee...” (v16)

Then comes the verse we quote so often, but sometimes separate from the thought immediately before it...“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." (2 Timothy 1:7)

Paul was talking to Timothy about the gift God had placed in him, and then he addressed fear. That really hits differently when you've spent time asking God to give what He's asking of you to somebody else.

Maybe part of spiritual maturity is learning that humility doesn't mean constantly shrinking back? Humility can also say...“If You gave it to me, Lord, I'll use it for You." I want to know who God has called me to be. I want to know what He has placed inside of me. I want to recognize His voice well enough that when He says, “Speak,” fear doesn't silence me!

When He says, “Go,” insecurity doesn't keep me standing still! When He says, “I want to use you here,” I don't immediately start building a case for why He should choose somebody else! 

Because I think knowing who God has called us to be is an important part of walking the path He has called us to walk. Because there are things God has entrusted to His people that are meant to be used.

So my prayer is changing. I'm not asking God to leave me where I'm comfortable. I'm asking Him to help me be obedient.

Lord, whatever You have placed in me, teach me how to use it. If there are gifts I haven't recognized yet, reveal them in Your time. If there are places where fear has kept me from obeying You, give me courage. If I start moving ahead of You, correct me. If I start shrinking back from You, strengthen me. Teach me the difference!

I don't need to know today what every one of those “gifts” might be. I just want my answer to that question to keep becoming a stronger yes. 

“Are you using the gifts God gave you?”

I'm learning to!!!

And whatever else He has for me...

I want to be willing!!!