A Month of Letters: A Letter To Someone You Love

To my babies,

I know some of you aren't exactly babies anymore, but I don't care. You know how this works! Haha, you'll be my babies when you're 70. 😂

I've been thinking about what I'd say if I sat down and wrote one letter to all six of you, and honestly, I don't even know where to start.

I had absolutely no idea what I was getting myself into when I became a mom.  Does anyone, really?

Not knowing exactly what my two miscarriages were, I DO know that God gave me five girls and one boy.

FIVE girls!

I've laughed about that SO many times over the years because if there was ever proof that God has a sense of humor, well....that might be it. Out of six children, He gave me one boy and then apparently said, “All right, let's surround him.” 

But what a gift the six of you have been!  ALL six of you!

Raising six kids wasn't one long string of precious moments. You know better! I know better! There were wonderful days, hard days, crazy hilarious days, days when somebody  (or two) was always crying, and I'm reasonably certain there were days when ALL seven of us were one minor inconvenience away from losing it....sometimes simultaneously.

But somewhere in the middle of raising all of you, you were raising me too.

I became your mom when I was still figuring out who I was. So while you were growing up, I was growing up right alongside you. You six taught me things about myself that I don't think I could have learned any other way.

You taught me how fiercely (this is my current go-to word btw) I could love another human being. You taught me patience, and then made very sure I had PLENTY of opportunities to practice it! You showed me how terrifying it is to have pieces of your heart walking around outside your body where you can't protect them from everything.

And every one of you has been different. So.Very.Different. Each of you carrying random pieces of my personality and character. 

That's something I wish somebody had explained to me when I was younger. You can raise six children in the same family and somehow end up with six completely different people.

What worked with one of you didn't necessarily work with another...and I definitely heard about it.  One needed something another didn't. One responded one way, another responded completely different. Sometimes I figured that out quickly!  You, on the other hand....you would question every decision I made regarding your siblings.  

Other times...well.
Sorry about that. :-) 

I had to learn each of you as I went.
And the funny thing is, I'm STILL learning you.

I think that's one of the things I didn't realize about motherhood when you were all little. I thought eventually I'd have this figured out. You know, like once I got through babies, toddlers and teenagers, I'd finally know what I was doing.

Ha!

Turns out....you just keep changing...and so does the job.

Now I get to know you as adults. I get to watch you build your own lives, form your own opinions, make your own decisions, become wives and mommas...and sometimes do things completely differently than I would. 

Imagine that! 🤣 

And somewhere along the way.....well my job started changing too.

When you were little, I could fix so much. A scraped knee needed a Band-Aid. A bad dream needed Mom. If you were hungry, I fed you. If you lost something, I could usually find it (most of the time). If somebody hurt your feelings, I could at least scoop you up and make you feel safe again.

Then.....you grew up. And then suddenly, there were things I couldn't fix.

There were hurts I couldn't take away. Decisions that weren't mine to make. Roads I could see you walking down where every mothering instinct in me wanted to grab your hand and say, "Nope. Not a chance! We're going THIS way."

That's been one of the harder parts for me! You may grow up, but apparently the mother part of me didn't get that memo.

I still worry.

I still wonder if you're okay.

I still want to fix things.

I still want to know that you've eaten.

And yes, I will randomly ask if you have pooped, because us moms know that it is sometimes the thing that fixes most issues. 😂

I'm learning, though......I'm learning that loving you as adults sometimes means being close enough that you always know where I am without standing so close that you can't find your own way. I'm learning that sometimes you're going to make choices I wouldn't make. 

Sometimes I'm going to give advice you don't take. Sometimes you're going to learn things the hard way. And sometimes.....YOU'RE going to be right and I'M going to be wrong.

Don't get too excited. I said sometimes. 😂

But no matter how old you get or how much our relationship changes, there's one thing I hope that none of you ever have to question.

You DON'T have to earn your place with me. You never did. 

There is nothing you can accomplish that will make you more my child, and there is nothing you can fail at that will make you less my child.

I won't agree with every decision you make, as we all know. And....as we all know, There will be times when you don't agree with mine either. We may frustrate each other. We may misunderstand each other. We may need space sometimes. We may have to come back and say, "I was wrong."

But THAT'S family.
And underneath all of that is something that doesn't move.
You're mine.
All six of you.
And I love you.

Not because of what you've accomplished, or because you've made all the right choices.

I love you because......you're you.

And I hope, as the years keep going by, I never get so caught up in who I think you SHOULD be that I miss the privilege of knowing who you actually are.

Love, 🩷Mom🩷