Humility Does Not Require Insecurity

I've been dealing with a strange kind of discomfort lately.  It comes with finally learning how to have boundaries when you’ve spent most of your life being punished for having them.

When saying “no” meant I would be ridiculed. When creating distance meant I would be shunned. When protecting my peace was interpreted as being cold, difficult, dramatic, or unforgiving. 

Eventually, I became so accustomed to the backlash that even healthy boundaries felt wrong. I'm starting to see that the same thing can happen with confidence.

When you’ve repeatedly been told that you “think you’re better than everyone,” you start becoming painfully aware of yourself. 

You notice certain looks, gestures, and comments. You're aware of the shift in someone’s demeanor when you speak confidently about something.

And that old accusation starts whispering again.

“Maybe I’m coming across wrong.”
“Maybe I should tone it down.”
“Maybe I’m making people uncomfortable.”
“Maybe I should make myself a little smaller.”

But confidence and superiority are NOT the same thing.

I can be confident in who I am without believing I'm better than you. I can recognize what God has given me without believing there's nothing valuable inside of you. I can know my strengths without needing to diminish yours. And you know what? I can establish a boundary without hating the person standing on the other side of it.

When you've spent years being conditioned to associate confidence with arrogance and boundaries with rejection, becoming healthy can actually feel like you’re doing something wrong.

Sometimes growth looks less like becoming somebody new and more like finally refusing to apologize for the person you were always allowed to be.

I don't have to shrink so someone else can feel bigger. I don't have to second-guess every boundary because someone dislikes it. And I certainly don't have to pretend I don't recognize my growth just to prove that I’m humble.

Humility does not require insecurity!  

I'm learning that I can be kind and still be firm, I can be humble and still be confident, and I can love people and still have limits.

I'm just learning what it feels like to stop abandoning myself every time somebody else becomes uncomfortable with me.