If I Have to Choose, I'll Take Your Glory

Yesterday, there was a message in tongues and interpretation during worship service. The whole thing ministered to me, but there was one line that lodged itself so deeply in my spirit that I haven't been able to shake it....

"It's not your answer that you're needing, it's My glory that you're needing."

If I'm being completely honest, I want answers. I want God to explain things and I know I'm not alone with this.  

I want Him to tell me why certain prayers seem to linger unanswered. I want Him to show me what He's doing behind the scenes. I want Him to make sense of situations that feel confusing, painful, or unfair.

I want the map, the timeline, the explanation....I want the answer.

But......what if the answer isn't actually what I need most?
What if knowing why....wouldn't heal what hurts?
What if understanding the process wouldn't strengthen my faith?

What if......God, in His wisdom, knows that what I really need isn't information, but revelation...a deeper revelation of who He is.

Because the truth is, there have been seasons in my life where God answered the question, but it didn't bring peace.  And there have also been other seasons where I never got the answer, but I encountered His presence in such a powerful way that the question somehow lost its grip on me.

The answer satisfied my curiosity. His glory satisfied my soul.

I think about Moses. The children of Israel had problems. REAL problems.  There were questions that needed answers...but yet Moses reached a point where his cry became, "Show me Your glory."

Maybe that's where God is trying to bring me? Because if I'm honest, there are things I still don't understand. There are prayers that I've prayed for years. There are wounds that still ache when they get bumped. There are situations I would've handled differently if I had been writing the story.

But....God has never asked me to understand everything. He's asked me to trust Him....just like He did yesterday.  

Trust becomes real when there isn't an answer sitting in front of you.  It's taking His hand when you can't see around the bend. It's continuing to walk when you don't know how long the valley is. It's believing that He is good......even when life feels confusing.

The part that gets me is that I didn't feel scolded by God with that statement. He wasn't saying, "Stop asking questions!"  He was inviting me into something greater.

Almost as if He was saying....

"Jill, if I gave you the answer, it might help you for a moment. But.....if I show you My glory, it will carry you through every moment."

An answer solves a problem....but His glory changes a person.

An answer might remove a struggle...but His glory transforms the way you walk through the struggle.

An answer can be forgotten.....but an encounter with God leaves fingerprints on your soul.

So today, my prayer is changing and it's not because I don't still have questions. I do!
And it's not because I don't still want answers. I do!

But somewhere between my questions and His presence, my heart yearns to pray:

"Jesus, if I have to choose, I'll take Your glory!"  

And maybe......that's where the REAL faith begins?  Not when we finally understand...but....when His presence becomes enough.