Learning To Carry It

You know… the loss of a child doesn’t really lift off of you. It doesn’t pack up and leave one day like it was just visiting. The pain, the absence, the longing, the emptiness… they don’t disappear. They settle in and they become part of the landscape of who you are.

You learn to re-adapt. You learn a different way to breathe. You find yourself slowly becoming someone new… not because you want to, but because you have to.

And then there are days like today.

Days where it hits out of nowhere, like reality just brushes past you and you feel it all over again. 

Fresh. 

Sharp. 

Heavy.

I’m there today… breaking out in tears here and there, whispering to Jesus to take me home so I can be with my boy again. Just wanting to be held… to settle into His arms for a moment of peace while I try to make it through the day.

Because I know tomorrow… I’ll find my footing again. I always do.

But today… I feel it. 💔