When “Church Hurt” Becomes a Hiding Place

I read something today that got me thinking. **I'll add it below** 

It pointed out how people often say “church hurt” when what they really mean is people hurt. 

And well......I couldn’t agree more.

Let me be clear though, I know people have been hurt by individuals in churches. 

Real hurt. 

Real offense. 

I’m not denying that, and I’m not minimizing it. But let’s be honest...what many are calling “church hurt” has become a convenient excuse to disconnect from the very things God has called us to (fellowship, accountability, surrender, and spiritual leadership).

So many times, I’ve seen people use past hurt as a reason to justify a lifestyle of isolation and spiritual drifting. They use it as a blanket excuse to justify not going to church, not submitting to any spiritual authority, and not living fully surrendered to God. And when someone lovingly reminds them of what Scripture says.....like the clear command not to forsake gathering together....they deflect with bitterness and blame.

And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works:

Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, 

as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: 

and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.  - Hebrews 10:24–25

The writer says, "And here’s another truth - one a lot of people don’t want to hear. The same people crying the loudest about being ‘hurt by the church’ are often the very ones wounding others with their own words, attitudes, and actions.”

That’s the truth! The ones who walk away from church because of “what someone did to them” were already looking for a way out! The offense just gave them the excuse they needed to stop being obedient to God. 

Let’s not pretend it was deeper than that. It wasn’t spiritual....it was convenient.

And if you’ve noticed, those same people often have the nastiest attitudes. Their mouths are foul, their hearts are hardened, and the bitterness just oozes out of them. They act like they’re justified in their hatefulness because of what happened to them.....but what they’re really doing is using their pain as a weapon. They cover up the wound with sarcasm, with gossip, with pride and hostility, thinking it’ll protect them from getting hurt again. But all it does is prove how unhealed and unreachable they’ve become.

They didn’t walk away to heal. 

They walked away to hide.

I mean, c’mon.....is it still “church hurt” after 20+ years? At some point, it’s not the wound that’s holding you back anymore, it’s your refusal to let go of the offense! You know the one still carrying that around is the one who grabbed hold of it and ran with it.....nursing it, rehearsing it, and letting it become part of their identity.

You can’t keep calling it hurt when it’s really pride. You can’t keep blaming “the church” when what’s actually keeping you out of fellowship is your own unwillingness to forgive, confront, or grow. 

Hurt people? Yes, they need healing. 

But healed people? They’re called to return, to rebuild, and to be part of the solution....NOT just stay stuck in spiritual limbo.

The truth is, though, that both the hurt and the healed need to find themselves in the same place.....planted in the house of God. 

NOT wandering. 

NOT isolated. 

NOT hiding behind offense or comfort. 

IN the house. 

IN fellowship. 

IN submission. 

THAT'S where growth happens. 

THAT'S where healing matures into purpose. 

THAT'S where accountability shapes character.

There’s a point where “church hurt” becomes a smokescreen for rebellion. 

I know that’s a hard truth, but it's a necessary one.

God never told us to only be faithful when people treat us right!  He didn’t say to be committed to the Church only when it's comfortable or easy. He calls us to live in community, to serve, to submit, and to grow.....even when it’s messy. 

Especially when it’s messy!

What I read today reminded me that God doesn’t quit on us when we get it wrong. He doesn’t bail when we’re inconsistent. And we’re called to reflect that same kind of faithfulness.....not just to Him, but to His Church.

So yes, pain is real. 

But pain DOESN'T excuse disobedience. 

And bitterness isn’t a substitute for growth. 

If you’ve been hurt, I pray you find healing. 

Truth is, that healing should lead us back to obedience, not further from it.

It’s time to stop hiding behind past offenses and start walking in maturity, forgiveness, and faithfulness again.

Your eternity depends on it! 

Here is the post that encouraged this blog today:
 

I’ve been a pastor for decades, and I’ve heard the phrase “church hurt” more times than I can count. Let me say this with clarity and conviction: there is no such thing as “church hurt.”

It’s people hurt. Period.

And here’s the truth no one wants to say out loud, the same people crying the loudest about being “hurt by the church” are often the very ones wounding others with their own words, attitudes, and actions.

Stop using people and “the church” as your spiritual scapegoat for being unfaithful, uncommitted, and unaccountable. Stop hiding behind your pain as an excuse for rebellion and inconsistency.

The God we serve is not fickle. He is faithful. He does not quit when it’s hard. He does not abandon His people when He’s offended. He doesn’t ghost His bride when she’s imperfect.

Our God is loyal. Steadfast, Unshakable, and Immutable.

And if we truly belong to Him, then it’s time we start reflecting that same loyalty to Him, to His church, and to one another.

It’s not church hurt.

It’s people hurt.

And it’s time we grow up, forgive, heal, and get back to faithfulness.

***Hurt is real! This post is NOT saying people have not been hurt or to diminish their hurt***

-James East