Yesterday, I opened up about how insecurity has been a shadow in my life. It’s shown up in childhood wounds, in toxic family patterns, and in those moments right before growth....always trying to keep me small.
But here’s another way it sneaks in - it makes expression feel uncomfortable.
Now, I don’t just mean expressing opinions or speaking up in a group (though yes, sometimes that too). I mean the simple act of letting myself be excited, joyful, or unrestrained.
Sometimes it’s just the debilitating discomfort of letting yourself be seen......unguarded, unfiltered, fully free. That hesitation has a way of stealing joy from the moment.
And it’s not just joy that feels hard to express. For me, even fear has been difficult!
I’ll never forget one moment that brought this into focus. When we were 12, My best friend and I were walking in downtown Hopkins (from my home to her home) when we realized we’d been seeing the same man in a little S10 following us around. That day, he actually tried to grab her and pull her into his truck! We both bolted towards her house, which was still 7-8 blocks away, running through people’s yards, hearts pounding.
And me? I was laughing.
Not because it was funny.....there was nothing funny about it. I was absolutely terrified. My best friend almost got kidnapped and would've probably been killed! But laughter came out instead of fear, because showing I was scared felt impossible.
That’s what deeply rooted insecurity does......it doesn’t just make joy hard to express. It can shut down all expression. Even the natural, human response of fear gets smothered by that inner wall that says, “Don’t let them see you. Don’t let it show.”
It’s confusing. You walk away from moments like that wondering, What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I react like everyone else? But the truth is, it’s not that something is wrong with you.....it’s that old wounds taught your heart that expression is unsafe. And that script runs deep.
When insecurity runs deep, it doesn’t just affect how you see yourself - it shapes how safe you feel to be yourself. Psychologists call it “learned behavior”.....over time, your brain links expression with risk.
Maybe growing up, showing excitement got you mocked. Maybe stepping into joy or confidence meant someone found a way to tear you down. Maybe you were told that your voice, your laughter, or even your boldness was “too much.” So, without realizing it, you trained yourself to hold back.
Fast forward to adulthood.... here you are, in moments that should be fun and freeing, feeling confused because something inside still says: “Don’t do it. It’s not safe. You’ll regret it.”
This isn’t only psychological, it’s spiritual, too. Insecurity loves to masquerade as “just my personality,” but Scripture tells us there’s more going on.... “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers…” (Eph. 6:12).
The enemy would love nothing more than to silence you....not just in your calling, but even in your joy. Why? Because expression is part of God’s design. We were created to sing, to dance, to laugh, to celebrate Him and the life He’s given us. That freedom reflects His Spirit: “Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty” (2 Cor. 3:17).
So when expression feels hard, that’s not weakness......it’s warfare.
I’m learning that expression is about presence. God is inviting me to live unguarded before Him, to let joy have space, to stop holding back out of fear of being exposed.
And yes....it’s a process. Sometimes I still feel the wall rise up, and I freeze. But little by little, I’m learning to lean into grace instead of fear. To trust that my worth doesn’t hang on how I look, how I sound, or how people respond.
Healing isn’t about forcing myself into expression, but allowing God to rewrite the script in my heart....
That joy is safe.
That freedom is holy.
That celebration is a weapon against oppression.
And knowing that it's me and God, walking hand-in-hand that will overcome this.
It can't be forced by anyone, nobody can talk me into it, …it has to be something the Lord heals in me.
Step by step.
Layer by layer.
Moment by moment.
And when He does, expression won’t feel like a performance.....it will feel like beautiful freedom because I will know it came directly from Him.
So.....if you’ve ever felt that hesitation.....that split-second where joy rises but insecurity slams the brakes....know this - you’re not broken. You’re not strange. You’re someone who learned to survive by holding back.
But survival is not your destiny.
Freedom in Christ doesn’t just release us from sin.....it also frees us to live fully, to express openly, to be present without shame.
So the next time insecurity whispers, “Don’t let go,” remember that you’re safe in Him.
Your joy is holy.
Your freedom is protected.
And little by little, as His love heals those old wounds, expression won’t feel so uncomfortable - it will feel like worship.
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