I know, I know. I am a few days behind on our walk through Proverbs. I have been battling this ...whatever it is that's going around. I will more than likely be able to sit down sometime today and get caught up **PRAYING for that!**. But before I do anything today, I need to address this issue that keeps coming up. I didn't know so many have encountered this!
You’d think by the time we’re adults, cliques would be a thing of the past. We left behind cafeteria tables divided by popularity, classrooms where certain kids always got picked last, and hallways where groups huddled in tight circles. Yet, sometimes… IT SHOWS UP IN CHURCH.
And, understandably, it stings worse there.
Because the one place that should feel like family, the one place that should radiate welcome, can instead feel like a room full of closed-off circles. You have to remember that a lot of the people that seek out to become members of a church...they don't have family of their own. They look to the church to fill that painful void inside. AS THEY SHOULD!
So, what does it look like? It’s not always loud or obvious and can be very subtle.
* The same group always sits together, never leaving room for anyone new.
* Conversations that hush when someone different walks up.
* Invitations that get extended to some but not all.
* Service opportunities that rotate around the same handful of people.
None of these things by themselves scream “problem.” But when they form a pattern, it creates an invisible wall that makes others feel unseen, unneeded, and unwanted.
Church is supposed to be the place where every person is welcomed, valued, and recognized as a vital part of the Body of Christ. When cliques form, it communicates the opposite:
You don’t belong.
You’re not good enough.
We already have our circle, and you’re not in it.
That message, whether intentional or not, cuts deep.....especially for those already carrying wounds from rejection, loneliness, or past church hurt.
Sometimes, cliques are unintentionally encouraged by something deeper - bitterness. When unresolved offense lingers between believers, it doesn’t just sit quietly in the heart. It often spills over into behavior. Out of hurt, people may gather with those who “understand their side,” avoid those tied to the person they’re bitter toward, or create subtle divisions just to feel justified and supported. Before long, a quiet grudge has given birth to a loud clique....and nobody may even realize what’s happening.
That’s why Scripture warns us: “Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled.” (Hebrews 12:15)
A bitter root doesn’t just poison one heart.....it spreads.
It shapes the culture of the whole church family if it isn’t dealt with.
The Bible has a lot to say about unity and partiality.
Paul wrote to the Corinthians: “For as the body is one, and hath many members, and all the members of that one body, being many, are one body: so also is Christ.” (1 Corinthians 12:12)
James warned against showing favoritism: “But if ye have respect to persons, ye commit sin, and are convinced of the law as transgressors.” (James 2:9)
In other words, God doesn’t sanction our little exclusive circles. He calls us to be one body, knit together in love, each part necessary, each person valuable.
So how do we fix this?!
If we're honest, most cliques aren't born out of meanness. They're born out of comfort - or out of wounds never dealt with. And sometimes.... when those wounds have been carried in a church for years, they start to feel normal, even mistaken for unity. We gravitate toward people who are like us, who 'get' us, who make us feel safe. That’s natural....but it can’t be the way we live in the Kingdom.
Because when bitterness goes unhealed, it doesn’t just isolate....it manipulates. Those carrying hidden wounds often avoid the ones who can see through their pain and instead pull close those who are blind to it. Over time, that kind of selective closeness creates an unfair dynamic: those who discern the unhealthy pattern are quietly pushed out, made to feel like they don’t belong, while only the 'approved' ones remain inside the circle. Sometimes it’s not even about discernment; it’s simply that certain people don’t fit the criteria of the clique that has already been established.
What can YOU do to help others feel welcome?
- Notice who’s on the outside. Look around on tomorrow. Who’s sitting alone? Who lingers after service but doesn’t have anyone talking with them?
- Widen your circle. You don’t have to abandon your friends - but you can pull others into the conversation, the lunch invite, or the ministry team.
- Shift from comfort to calling. Our call is not to protect our comfort zones but to reflect Christ’s love. He sought out the overlooked, the outsider, the hurting.
- Check your heart and ask God “Am I excluding without realizing it? Am I making room for others?”
**Personal note** This isn’t just theory for me - it’s something I’ve lived. Even back in school, I made it a point to notice the one sitting alone. I didn’t want anyone to feel invisible or left out, so I’d walk over, start a conversation.....EVEN if it felt awkward to me. I did what I could to make sure they felt seen...even if it was a "hey! I like your shirt!" I’ve carried that same intentionality into adulthood. Why? Because I know how much one kind word, one moment of recognition, can change someone’s day....or even their faith journey.
Imagine walking into church and not feeling like you have to “fit” into a group to belong. Imagine every pew, every circle of conversation, every ministry team open and welcoming.
That’s the church Jesus died to build. That’s the Body He prayed would be one.
Cliques shrink the Kingdom. But open arms grow it.
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