Mood Swings and Mercy

Some women age gracefully.

They glide into perimenopause like a swan on a still lake.
I, on the other hand, came in like a raccoon in a revival tent.

One minute I’m full of the Holy Ghost and carrying on like there's no such thing as stress.
The next, I’m sobbing because I dropped something on a freshly washed kitchen floor.
And five minutes later, I’m declaring war on Walmart because someone picked a cart with a stuck wheel and insists on walking behind me.

Welcome to true womanhood!

Where your hormones forget their assignments and your emotions act like they’ve been raised without supervision.

Yesterday was a prime example!

My husband and I were throwing around the idea of moving (which we have been doing quite often), when out of nowhere—bam—grief punched me in the face. I started crying and Justin could tell, even though I was NOT making a sound. 

“Now I’m sad. I’ll be happy in a minute. That’s the way my grief is right now… I’m happy then I’m sad, then I’m happy, then I want to throat punch the clerk at Walmart.”

Without missing a beat, he deadpans:
“…at the self-checkout…”

And just like that, I wasn’t crying anymore.  He sure knows how to make me laugh! 

Honestly, this season of life feels like walking through a battlefield in a flowy skirt and flip flops, carrying a cup of chamomile tea and a sword.

I’m still grieving.
Still sweating.
Still praying through the mood swings.
Still trying not to yell at the washing machine when it decides that one minute should take 10.

And somehow… God meets me in all of it.

In the hot flash.
In the breakdown.
In the laugh-so-hard-you-nearly-wet-yourself moment but remember you’re too old for that nonsense now so you just cross your legs and pray.

God is present....even when my mood is all over the map like a toddler with a crayon and no supervision.

So if you’re out here doing your best.....juggling grief, hormones, a to-do list, and maybe a grocery run you don’t even want to talk about.....

Just know that you're NOT crazy. You're just a woman.....a wildly wonderful, emotionally unpredictable, beautifully complicated woman…

Held together by Jesus, coffee, and a very patient husband.

And maybe… don’t go to Walmart today.