When the Pulpit Hurts: The Danger of Shame-Based Teaching

I watch a lot of different preachers online and am very careful when selecting who I allow to speak into my life.  Sometimes though, I come across someone that just makes my spirit ache and shutter.  

Today was one of those times. 

I was a bit irritated and heartbroken as I watched a preacher scream and shame people from the platform ...not just passionately, but with harshness that echoed through the auditorium like condemnation. 

Afterwards, I read a comment from a visitor who attended that service. She said she was already struggling to believe that God loved her. She went there in desperation to feel the love that other's claimed God was and had available for her. 

Hearing those words of shame screamed at her from the pulpit made her feel completely unworthy and burdened with shame. Instead of finding hope, she felt pushed further away from God — justified in the very doubts and fears that had kept her distant.

That experience made me think deeply about the impact shame-based teaching has on people, especially those already fragile in their faith.

So. what do I mean when I say "shame-based teaching"? 

Shame-based teaching often looks like this to a non-believer or a "new babe" in Christ...

• A heavy spotlight on failure. Instead of focusing on hope or growth, it zeroes in on what people are doing wrong, making them feel exposed and judged.
• Loud, harsh tones. The teacher may yell or speak angrily, which feels more like punishment than encouragement.
• Messages that say, “You’re not good enough,” or “You’ll never measure up,” rather than “You are loved and can be healed.”
• Rules without grace. Emphasizing strict rules and consequences without offering the comfort of forgiveness or acceptance.
• Fear as a motivator instead of love. Using fear of punishment or rejection to control behavior rather than inspiring love for God.
• No room for questions or doubts. It feels like struggling or asking honest questions makes you faithless or rebellious.

For someone new (or even unsure about faith) this kind of teaching can feel confusing, overwhelming, scary, and discouraging. 

Instead of feeling welcomed, safe, and accepted, they feel unlovable and alone. It often pushes people away, making the church seem like an unsafe or unkind place, and worse, it can make God feel distant or angry.

Shame-based teaching uses fear, guilt, and condemnation to try to correct or convict people. While it may sound passionate or bold, it often leaves people feeling wounded, unworthy, or pushed away from God rather than drawn to Him.

Shame isolates: It tells people, “You are the problem,” instead of, “You’re struggling, and there’s hope.”

It hurts the broken: Many people show up to church already burdened....by addiction, loss, sin, or self-hate. 

Shame-based teaching piles on more weight when Jesus came to lift burdens, not add to them.

It distorts the gospel. If it doesn’t sound like good news to the weary and the sinner, it’s not the gospel Jesus preached.  

THIS IS CHURCH HURT!

When shame-based teaching happens in the context of church, it creates something deeper and more dangerous: church hurt.

People walk away, not because they hate God, but because they were made to feel like He must hate them. This is the place that the young commenter was coming from.  I just wanted to reach through my phone and hold her close and reassure her of the love that we should have for her.....that JESUS has for her! 

Instead of leaving with peace, they leave burdened with justification....believing their pain is valid, wondering if their reaction is “too sensitive,” or if they’re simply beyond grace.

The church, meant to be a hospital 

for the broken, becomes a courtroom. 

And some never return!

It pushes away the vulnerable! 

For the young man or woman already struggling with believing God loves them....despite their flaws, mistakes, or strongholds......shame-based teaching is especially damaging.

When someone doubts their worthiness, hearing loud messages of shame only reinforces their fears that God’s love is conditional or out of reach.

Instead of feeling 

accepted and embraced, 

they feel more alone, 

more broken, and....

more rejected.

This pushes them away from the church...and sadly, from God’s true love...just when they need it the most.

Truth wrapped in compassion (Ephesians 4:15) brings conviction, not condemnation.

Healing (not humiliation) says, “Yes, you’ve fallen...but you’re still invited to the table.”

Gentleness reflects Jesus!

He didn’t yell people into holiness. 

He loved them into wholeness.

*AUTHORS NOTE*

I want to be very clear here.....I’m NOT advocating for watered-down, sugar-coated teaching that ignores sin or its consequences. Truth matters. Correction matters. But if we teach about sin without also teaching about God’s grace, mercy, and redemption, we’ve missed the heart of the gospel... by a long shot. Jesus didn’t avoid truth, but He always wrapped it in love. We’re called to do the same.