The Song He Wrote in Me

**see recent edit at the end!**

Since I can remember, it has been my hearts desire to be a worship leader and also know how to play piano.  As a young girl, I would see visions of me doing just that.  

For the last 11 years, since I came back to church, God has been gently but intentionally working on me. Not just in the outward things people might notice....but in the quiet corners of my heart, where dreams were tucked away and fear had built walls. 

He placed two very specific desires deep inside me: to sing ...and use the voice that He gave me... WITHOUT the trembling and intimidating fear.....and to play the piano. 

These weren’t random interests! 

These were God-given callings, planted with purpose, meant for His glory. 

But like many of us, I wrestled with fear and frustration. Fear silenced my voice, and frustration tangled my fingers when the notes wouldn’t come.  

(I will be honest, I am still met from time-to-time with the fear, but I have decided to stand face-to-face with it in the AUTHORITY given to me by the Word of God and not cower!  THAT sounds like another blog post waiting to happen! )

Even through my struggles with fear and frustration..... GOD HAS NOT GIVEN UP ON ME.

He’s been building a boldness in me. Not a loud, look-at-me kind of boldness - but a holy confidence, the kind that comes only from knowing who you are in Him.

One of my dreams has always been to be a worship leader - to be used by God through song and to lead others into His presence. That dream was always there, tucked deep in my heart, but I didn’t know how God would bring it to life. Now, I’ve had the honor of leading worship when our worship leader is away. In those moments, I've felt the anointing fall in such a powerful way, it makes me want to drop everything and wrap my arms around Him. I know I’m right where He wants me - using the voice He gave me, for the glory of His name.

Just recently, God jump-kicked my desire to play piano. I’ve been practicing more and can now play most songs in the key of C. It may seem like a small thing to some - but it's been a major breakthrough for me. I had been using a small 36-key keyboard that limited my ability to grow. 

My husband, knowing my struggles and watching me press through, blessed me today with an 88-key piano.  He always tells me that he loves hearing me sing.... so I think I will start singing AND playing more when he is home. :) 

A few times as I have sat and played, I can feel tears swell up in my eyes. Worship just pours out. There's a deep gratitude in my spirit....not just for the piano, but for how far God has brought me. 

He didn’t let the fear and frustration stop the calling!

Delight thyself also in the Lord: and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart. - Psalm 37:4 

This verse means more to me now than ever before. The desires I thought were mine were really HIS, planted with intention. And He was faithful to water them, even when I wasn’t sure they could grow.

God doesn’t waste the passions He places in us. Whether it’s singing, teaching, creating, serving, or building.... if He put it in you, He plans to use it. Our job is simply to surrender it back to Him.

But now hath God set the members every one of them in the body, as it hath pleased Him. — 1 Corinthians 12:18 

We don’t choose our part in the Body....we discover it through obedience. It may take time. It may require healing and boldness and stretching. But friend, God is so faithful to finish what He starts.

And I just want to encourage you.......

                                                         Don’t bury your gift. Don’t silence your song. 

If He placed it in your heart, it’s because He wants to use it.... for His glory and for others to encounter Him through it.

Let Him grow it.

Let Him use it.

******** EDITED TO ADD********

I came back to edit this blog because I thought it important to point out how God has also used my church family to push and encourage me.

They’ve seen something in me....something I wasn’t always brave enough to see in myself. Their words of encouragement, their prayers, and even the gentle nudges to step out of my box have been like fuel to the flame God lit in my heart long ago. When I’ve felt nervous or unsure, they’ve cheered me on. When I’ve made mistakes, they’ve given me grace. And when I’ve taken steps forward, they’ve celebrated with me.

God didn’t just call me.....He surrounded me. He placed people in my life who have helped water the seed He planted years ago. 

And little by little, that seed has grown!

I’m realizing more and more that this isn’t just about me singing or playing piano.....this is about surrendering the gift back to the Gift Giver. It’s about using what He gave me to glorify Him.

And I’m not walking this journey alone. I’ve got a church family walking with me....rooting for me....and that makes all the difference.  

I couldn't have asked for a better church family! I have been blessed!